Sunday, May 25, 2014

Sperm Wars

Random Samples Collective from Toronto Canada presents this Fringe show that follows the stories of millions of sperm embarking upon a high stakes suicide mission to battle a large, dangerous, and mysterious enemy deep behind the hymen. Meanwhile in the ovaries, the eggs are forced to say goodbye to one of their own as the time for their monthly sacrifice to the uterus looms on the horizon. The entire microscopic battle was presented by a single actor, Jeff Leard, in pristine white underwear, black studded arm bands and army boots. I couldn't help but notice that his "package" loomed rather large. There was also a subtle smudge on the tip of the bulge, which caused my mind to wander. Had he fallen during a performance to smudge his pristine white visage?

If you love Star Wars and you love sex, you should love this show. The entire army of characters were tied together in this one actors performance. A rare moment of improve happened when someones cell phone went off in the audience. At first he sat down and said, "we can wait." Then he wondered, "what is a cell phone doing in this vagina?" Another audience member blurted out "phone sex!" Everyone laughed.

At one point the inner workings of one of the Sci-Fi Sperm Wars vehicles had to be opened.  The actor mimed the machinations involved in opening the multiple panels, cylinders and digital pads with an orchestration of sound effects that he mouthed. The sequence was completed with the magical phrase "dry ice." Which was accompanied with his hands miming the delicate clouds descent. When this long drawn out sequence of events was repeated, it got a bit old.

The horrors of battle became clear as millions of sperm perished because the vaginal canal was blocked by a diaphragm coated with spermicide. The immense ovum sat protected behind this impenetrable force field. Sperm withered and melted like the witch in the Wizard of Oz. A single sperm made it past the diaphragm and wiggled his way deep inside the wet moist humid egg. He lamented the millions lost in the assault.

There is only one more performance of Sperm Wars today,  Sunday May 25th at 4:30pm to 5:30pm in the Blue Venue at the Orlando Shakespeare Center (812 E Rollins St., Orlando, FL). Tickets are $11 along with the $9 Fringe button required to get into any show. Rated 18+.

Prints are available for each sketch for $250 and many originals can be purchased for $400. White museum grade shadow box frames are $100 more. You can e-mail Thor at

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